If the midwife who I saw this morning is the one who attends the birth then I'm pretty sure the baby isn't coming out.
For some reason I had a visit with the doctor and the midwife today -someone told me to book an appointment with both. The appointment with the GP was straightforward and it looks like the baby is 4/5 engaged. When I asked if that meant it was coming soon, the doctor seemed to find that hilariously funny.
"It's not going to be today", he laughed in between snorts of laughter.
He said that he'd spoken to the midwife and she is meant to bring pethidine with her so I shouldn't worry about it. Why do I not feel remotely reassured by that?
He asked me to create a sample since I hadn't brought one. I did think about it before I left the house, but the only thing I could see to put it into was a Bart Simpson mug, so I didn't bother. I produced one at the surgery and presented it to the receptionist who told me to take it into the midwife.
I did. She said she didn't want it. She did a test on it and then handed it back to me as if I'd offered it to her for Christmas. "I don't want it", she said.
She then said that I wasn't supposed to see the doctor today and that as I'd been to see him I didn't need to see her. Fine by me! "I didn't make two appointments just to annoy you, " I said - "someone told me to."
"No they didn't" she said.
"I've already apologised to the doctor for wasting his time", I added.
Talking to me like a simpleton, she said she would write down on my notes that I must only see the GP in two weeks' time.
"In case you don't understand", she said. GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.