Or so I thought....
On Friday morning I absolutely and completely lost my temper. The previous day had seen our road under traffic management and roadworks everywhere. However, there was not one workman to be seen. I called Thames Water to find out why the road was still half closed (thereby causing irate motorists to sit outside my window revving with their radios blasting when I was trying to write a lengthy press release). I had a conversation with a woman who wanted to know my name, address, phone number and whether or not I owned the house. She got annoyed when I was whether it was relevant that I owned the house (I told her I don't, which is true as technically, the bank owns it), and she got even MORE annoyed when I asked her for her name, address, phone number and whether or not she owned her house.
Anyway, the upshot was that the roadworks disappeared fairly quickly. The next thing that happened of course was that people started speeding at about 80mph past our house. One of them missed me by an inch causing me to flail my arms, screaming and resembling an obese windmill.
And then my belly started seizing up. It felt like someone was pulling my insides in and took my breath away. The good thing is that I live in Newbury and the people are so wonderful that when they seem a woman lying the road in distress...they do absolutely nothing.
In fact, one person sped up, and again, nearly flattened me.
I inched back into the house where the "contractions" faded and I didn't get any more. I am now prepared for the real thing. The people of Newbury however, are not.