Thursday, 21 August 2014

A real head-scratcher

The inevitable happened yesterday. I spent the day helping with a house move and spent the day scratching my increasingly itchy scalp. I thought this was just a result of the dust rising from moving furniture so didn’t think anything of it until I returned home to find MrM watching TV with a beer in his hand.

Asking about his day, he told me about work, about picking up the McBaby from nursery and at number 4 on the running order, “Oh one of the ladies at nursery thought she saw a nit on McBaby’s head”. Sip of beer.

I stared at him. “And what have you done about it?” I shrieked.
“Well, I didn’t think it was that bad.”

I huffed, ranted and waved my arms around. “You enjoy your beer; I’ll go and get some special shampoo.”

MrM reluctantly agreed to go and get the special comb and the shampoo so that I could scratch my head. About two hours later, we were all back and treating ourselves with the shampoo and a nit comb. We hated this proportionately in decreasing order of age.
We’re all in the clear today, hugely embarrassed and eager to get haircuts. So, if you’ve seen me in the last couple of weeks, it might be worth getting someone to check your hair. Hangs head (and hair) in shame….

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Wonderful World, Beautiful Days – Joe Blogs about the weekend

The parents took me to a field in Devon again. It must be that time of year where we load up the campervan, set off singing Levellers songs loudly, arrive in a field, mummy starts drinking cider and daddy puts up the tent.

Despite the large quantity of cider drunk (or owing to it?), we had a brilliant weekend – I spent most of it running from one muddy puddle to another, splashing around and shrieking. I also got to go on the Ferris Wheel, on the big helter skelter and the chairoplanes. I also spent hours and hours hitting plastic bottles with sticks. Mummy has generously called this “drumming”.

On the Friday before the Levellers acoustic set, my mummy congratulated daddy on buying a new tent. She said that she liked this tent because every time she opened it, someone famous walked past. The first time she opened it, Seth Lakeman walked past. The second time, it was John Robb, then the third time, my friend Elsie appeared. She’s two as well but nowhere near as naughty as me. Unlike me, she didn’t shout into all of the bins, heckle any bands or spend half a day making a den underneath an A-board for “moustaches and coffee”.

But as well as being great for me – there’s also lots for adults to do too. Mummy and Daddy hauled me in to watch lots of fabulous - and hugely eclectic - bands. Unfortunately this meant watching the pair of them dancing like muppets to a line-up that included Jimmy Cliff, Seth Lakeman, 3 Daft Monkeys and the Levellers (twice!), needless to say. I particularly liked Dreadzone, even though I have seen them before, and danced so madly that lots of people asked mummy if they could take my picture.

They also planned to watch acts like Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott, but I thought that would be a good time to have a tantrum, meaning that it was a two-man job to put me to bed.

The next day, we decided to get some t-shirts although me and mummy were a bit surprised that daddy bought three that were exactly the same, making us look like the substitutes for the next Holland international game. At least in my bright orange t-shirt I was highly visible, making it much easier for mummy to chase me when I kept running away.

None of us wanted to leave on Monday morning and this time it was my mummy who was the one that kept disappearing. We drove home waving goodbye to the lovely field, already looking forward to next year’s event.

The same place two years ago

Wednesday, 13 August 2014


A while ago, I sadly acknowledged that the McBaby should rightly be called the McToddler. A few months on and I'm thinking that he's already turning into the McTeenager.

Helping himself to fruit and other snacks from the kitchen, switching on his favourite programmes himself on the iPad and TV and kicking back and relaxing on the sofa, I can see a glimpse of the teenage years, but the thing that has been driving me mad is his new habit learned from somewhere - hopefully not me.





Monday, 4 August 2014

Feng shui

As you may know, the McBaby does not do what he is told. For example, when I asked him to stop calling his daddy by the inappropriate nickname by which I've been calling him for 10 years, he shouted it more loudly with glee.

Same with bedtime. So MrM decided to see if we could get a bit of feng shui on our side. Perhaps the ever-inquisitive McBaby wouldn't stay in his bed, because he can't see what's going on from his bed. How about moving the room around to put the bed nearer to the door, facilitating a view of the landing.

Well, no sooner had I rearranged the bed and remade it than he pushed me out of the way, shouting "my bed!" and actually got in and laughed. Hopefully the Chinese are onto something!

Simon Le Bon, Baby Bio and Bladder bashing

With about 100 people asking me in the last few days if we're going to provide the McBaby with a sibling and my mumbled reply, not knowing what to say, I've been thinking about what it's like to be an only child. I was an only child for ages before my younger sister came along, so it did make me laugh to read some of the things that Mumsnetters used to do to their siblings.

My sister and I weren't terribly inventive on that front, although I do remember that on long car journeys, if I needed the toilet, she used to take great delight in pressing on my bladder with all of her might. Her other car trip trick was to hit herself and then tell on me. My parents fell for it every time, never failing to look ahead and admonishing me while I protesting and my sister laughed silently to herself.

The only thing I can think of that I did to her was to encourage her to wash her hair with Baby Bio plant food. In my defence, my hair was one of my best features (not any more....) and I'd specifically asked her not to use my very expensive Cream Silk shampoo (whatever happened to Cream Silk? A quick internet search shows me that it's still available in the Philipines but I'm sure I used to buy it in Gateway in Weymouth?)

She used my shampoo. So I asked her to use this special brand called Baby Bio. I think it helped her hair grow....

Friday, 1 August 2014


Just moved it to find a mountain of food underneath. So much food that MrM would not let me photograph it - I did snap part of the clean-up operation though.....

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Chocolate covered strawberries

I don't know why my heart sank when our new next door neighbour rang the doorbell and then asked me to step outside the other night. I invited her in, but she asked me to step outside and lowered her voice. This was not good news, surely.

In a hushed tone, she said: "We went to the PYO up the road this afternoon [I didn't know there was one within two minutes of our house], and we've been dipping them in chocolate. We thought it would be funny to lower them over the fence for the McBaby as a surprise".

He absolutely lapped them up and ate the strawberry as well as the chocolate. How lovely is that? We've had a succession of irritating neighbours, but this act of kindess has truly restored my faith in - not humanity - but definitely in the possibility of living next door to someone nice.

The weird thing was that the following day, I received a freelance job requiring a press release on.....chocolate covered strawberries for a firm over 100 miles away.

The plot ripens....